Apply Now for this Exciting Opportunity

Experienced muses should immediately apply for this highly coveted, unpaid position in beautifully appointed, unmotivated writer’s mind.

Minimum Job Requirements:

  • Provoke successful daily writing sessions through stimulating writing prompts, dispensed into writer as if they were colorful, long-lasting candies of various flavors
  • Nurture unexpectedly delicious sentences, yummy turns of phrase, and one-of-a-kind metaphor confections that flow from writer with ease and leave readers and reviewers fainting with delight, craving more, a few pounds lighter, and several years younger looking (WIN-WIN)
  • Whip writer into extended writing jags (aided by caffeine and anti-diuretics) that result in a minimum 5,000 words per day, leaving enough time for writer to read at least one novel per day, get regular manicures, take long walks through the countryside, watch favorite soaps and cooking shows, and get eight hours sleep
  •  Inspire writer to produce at least one blockbuster novel each year

 Desired Experience:

  • Five to seven years experience stirring writer’s imagination to create unique, quirky and totally convincing characters (creepy uncle who works at the sewage plant, brainy warrior-toddler who saves the world), well constructed plots (dystopia set entirely in car wash), and plot twists (car wash is secretly owned by creepy uncle who works at sewage plant)
  • Proven ability to motivate writer to write groundbreaking, category-killing novels (Toddler-warrior novels for senior citizens! Creepy uncle action hero series!)
  • Exceptional revision support skills, proofreading a plus
  • Connections with influential people (agents and publishers) essential (past indiscretions with these people winked at, esp. if indiscretions made connection more influential)
  • Must possess valid muse license (Class A), know how to drive with dictionary and thesaurus, (and NOT online Wiki-anything)
  • Fluency in literary cannon and exceptional knowledge of cultural trends a must